Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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