so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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