Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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