I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
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Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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