the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
