Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
My hand turned me down
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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