the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Randomize
