Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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