we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
