A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
no you cant smoke seaweed
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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