Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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