I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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