Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
