So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
