You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
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I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
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No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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