Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
