Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
