it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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