I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
