I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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