is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
