Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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