Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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