3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
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I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
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I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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