Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
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Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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