Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
