So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
