oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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