Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
