Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
