I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
