My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
