does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
