Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
