WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
