I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
