why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
