There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
