there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
