Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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