YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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