If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
