I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
