oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
