If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
