I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i wish my penis had a tongue
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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