Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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