I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
