We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
