i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Houston, we have a blender
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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