i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
