I murdered the dance floor call the cops
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
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i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
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And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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