would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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