she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
