THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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