Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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