Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
