I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
