i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
