You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
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I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
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When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
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