The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
if i can run in heels then i can drive
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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