This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Everclear isn't food dammit
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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